India’s daughter - A truly disturbing video. Lately facebook has been flooded with articles about how the video is an attempt to deface our country and how its intentions were not of an unbiased nature. But keeping these insinuations aside, I, who as a citizen of India know that all Indian men are not rapists, feel troubled by the video. I understand that the views expressed by the men in the video are that of a few ignorant beings in the landmass that’s filled with compassionate and intelligent people. But even if the people in the video were bribed to make such disgusting statements, can we ignore the facts that they are not the only ones who have expressed such opinions? One of the lawyers being interviewed has made a statement earlier regarding how he would punish his daughter/sister for any perceived lack of chastity in their behavior. And he is not alone in this. We hear countless high-profile politicians expressing regressive thoughts about women in India. Not just men but even women. Rape is not the only issue that sketches this facet of our country. In times in girl’s hostels, commentary on what girls should wear, different rules for girls and boys in different institutions are some of the examples which illustrate that both genders are not being meted out equal treatment in this country of masses.
Having written this, I feel that sometimes we tend to get carried away with this feminist view and start believing that it is just women who are being treated unfairly. Yes, with India being traditionally a male dominated society, in most cases, it is the women who do not get access to the same advantages that men do. But this does not belittle that fact that men face disadvantages too. Ever since the beginning of civilization, man has been the forager for the family. He is the one who is supposed to support the family with his work. This creates a lot of pressure on the youth of today, who are pushed into the rat race of this competitive world with huge expectations on their shoulders.
You might say peer pressure to perform is a common thing, and you will be right about that. But what about abuse? Rape is not about sexually abusing women alone. Men too have been affected by it. Maybe it is the way we issue characteristics to each gender. Men are supposed to be the strong ones who lead the family. And the woman are the calm ones who are the compromising all absorbing ones. That’s why we tend to ignore the fact that men might also have been abused. That they too suffer and feel helpless. That they need to express emotions and can be sensitive. The best oxymoron I have heard in recent times is from Paro. She wants her boyfriend to be more sensitive, but thinks my boyfriend is a “girl” because he shows his emotions!! It is such opinions that force men to appear tough even when they don’t want to. And I am ashamed to admitting that even I have been part of groups that subscribed to this belief.
Coming back to the topic at hand - India’s daughter may or may not be a true representation of the Nirbhaya rape case. But some of the questions it raises are relevant to answer people who condemn today’s generation for not showing enough pride or interest in their country. Tell me how I am expected to feel proud of a country when wearing knee length shorts in the capital city of Kerala got me curious stares from people. When walking alone after the sun sets scares me and my family? When a different route taken by an auto driver alarms me? When the government is more worried about banning beef consumption than taking a stance on law and security of the nation? At such times I don’t blame myself to have come to a different country. Though I did not shift base with the intention to escape such narrow-mindedness and insecurity, after coming here I feel that there are so many things that India can learn from other nations.
Change is needed. But such a big change needs time. And I can just vent out my feelings on this blog hoping that this time comes soon. I know I diverged a bit from where I started, but this article was written over the course of time, and with rape being such a sensitive issue that vilifies men, I wanted to write something that speaks not just for the daughters of our land but also the sons.
